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Secrets Behind a Successful Life

Secrets Behind a Successful Life I have learnt a subject called ‘Success & Ethics’ at Beacon Hill Academy in the year 2007 which was my favorite & the most interesting subject ever. There I could study many important things that are really helpful in life. Therefore I thought to share some of them with you that would definitely help you at certain times in difficulties & when you don’t know what to do.

Thinking about our lives

True Success
Achieving the personal goals in life, to be a rich person, to own the most expensive things, to be the smartest guy or the most beautiful girl in the town, to be extraordinary, to earn a lot of money, not satisfying with what you’ve earned & going further more to earn money, money & money… Finally we end up in Money. Yes that’s what we think all about. That’s what we have mistaken instead of the true success of life. Have you ever tried & put on more effort to live a meaningful life apart from the above said things?

More over did you ever try to get the true meaning of success?
Don’t be afraid, I’m not going to write a questionnaire, yet to bring all of your attention to observe something you might never had the interest before, including me. And also I hope to give you an idea about some principles of life that are really essential to be a meaningful & a successful person, especially you will enjoy reading Sean Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.

Why should I read this article?

This would be the first thought on your mind at the time you opened the page, a smart & a fair question.

Let’s find the answer then…

You show your LOVE towards your parents, your fiancé or fiancée at the first point ;) siblings, classmates, relations, neighbors (unless they don’t have problems with you) friends or society not forgetting our pets animals. Even though you don’t really want to be sensitive towards others you still pretend to be aren’t you? It’s not my point at all to say that all are the same. There can be people out there who love others GENUINELY, the people who have LOVE comes within.

But, have I missed someone in the above list? Uh Ooooh…..Yes I have :O

I have missed ME ! How am I to forget ME the most important person? Ridiculous :-/

Hold on, some of you might be thinking is that a big deal? My name is already there in the list of people who have grabbed my attention, no matter mentioned or unmentioned. Why do I want to bother after all I’m definitely there in my list?

Yes I do agree on that too because simply I do love myself.

But sometimes my conscience tends me to think

• Are you genuine to yourself?’
• Do you treat yourself well?’ (Not what I have in my meal menus)
• Do you really care for yourself’? (Not my make up & the way I dress to look pretty or smart)
• Do you have time for yourself?’ (Not what I do to spend my leisure time)
• Do you really enjoy?’
• Are you aware of your surroundings?’
• What might help you & what might let you down’?
• Finally ‘Do I want to become a SUCCESSFUL PERSON by living a MEANINGFUL LIFE?’

Though you’re able to give genuine answers to some, your tongue gets twisted when giving answers to most of the questions.

Let’s find out the importance of a genuine life, how it affects others’ lives & the secrets behind the true success in life.

I love myself & through the love I have towards me I will only absorb the things that can help me to succeed in life & which do not harm me in any circumstances.

Secrets Behind a Successful Life Personality Vs Character

Personality focuses on the way how others see you. It pays attention to what you look like to other people, your attitudes & your behavior in public. Learning special skills techniques can help you to be highlighted, but none of them are long lasting because they only affect the house, not the foundation.

While the Character focuses on what is really there within you. If you make a ‘rock’ character, you as a person would be really strong. It is found in one’s deep rooted sense of what is right & what is wrong & how they should live their lives. A well brought up character always leads us to be successful while the opposite gives the directions to be failures.

“There is no real excellence in this entire world which can be separated from right living”- David Starr Jordon -

Your Paradigm of yourself

• A paradigm is the way how you see yourself
• Paradigms as glasses through which we see the world
• Paradigms as maps by which we make decisions of how to get where we want to go
• Paradigms relate to how you see others

“Better keep yourself clean & bright ; Through which you see the world” - George Bernard Show

Is your paradigm positive or negative? Is it helping you or holding you back?

Don’t forget, you are what you believe in which is known as the Self Fulfilling Prophecies. So the effects will be set upon your Self Fulfilling Prophecies.

If you need help

• Spend time with someone who believes in you & builds you up
• Try to see yourself the way they see you

Your Paradigm of others

How do we understand others? How does it affect our actions?

Before judging anything or anyone, do we consider about the facts we have & whether we have all the information? If we learnt to ask these questions when we tempt to judge another person, we can stop a lot of misunderstandings.

“Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes" - Anonymous -

Then you would feel how hard it is for you to walk in the other’s shoes, where the other person has felt already & you’ve never experienced before.

Our Principles of Life

Instead of being centered on anything else it’s always right to be Principal Centered!

Principals of life are

• Natural Laws that will exist always like the law of gravity
• Not for one culture, they apply to everyone in the world.
• If you live by them you succeed, if you break them you fail.

In order to own a balanced life you need to have FAITH along with

• Honesty
• Service
• Love
• Respect
• Hard work
• Moderation
• Fairness
• Integrity
• Loyalty

Let me assign you a small activity which you can attend to after reading this.

(Take a piece of paper & write)
Think of an incident that you have done with dishonesty & write that on the paper. Under that you have to write a great saying by Cecile B Demille which you will be able to find in the article when you go on reading.
Let’s get back to the discussion...

What does Honesty mean?

Honesty means to confirm our words with reality

What does Integrity mean?

Confirming reality to our words
(You do what you say, don’t say one thing & do the opposite)

What does Fairness mean?

Behaving without self interest, prejudice or favoritism.. It’s an act of equity, equality, openness & consistency

What does Justice mean?

Everyone should receive what they have earned. To be rewarded or punished according to what you have done

What does Potential mean?

It includes the growth & encouragement. It is the act of learning & developping all the different parts of us & also to give courage to another person by supporting them in words or deeds to strengthen them.

What does Service mean?

Helping others by supplying the needs of those who can’t fulfill them alone

Beggars, disabled people, single/widowed, mothers, severely ill people, abused children would be some of them who ask & deserve for our help. But prisoners, rich people, proud people, people with big families, people who has made mistakes & living with the consequences are those who do not ask for help as well as those who do not take our attention.

What does Love mean?

Simply love is an action, not a feeling
You can show love to others by

• Listening to them
• Being there for them
• Showing appreciation
• Remembering important event in their lives
• Showing interest in their lives
• Serving them if they are in need
• Being empathetic

What does Patience mean?

The ability to wait for things you desire or need.
What do we get impatience with?

• Ourselves – reaching our goals
• Others – Their weaknesses & mistakes

It’s your responsibility to control your emotions & actions

What can you do if you are impatience?

• Change your paradigms
• Look on the bright side

What does Hard Work mean?

Putting all your effort to get what you want
Everything worth in life is attained through hard work.

What does Human Dignity mean?

It refers to the quality we have as humans that sets us apart from animals. So no one can be neglected because as humans we all are the same. We have no rights to deny another person’s rights.

Things that can destroy human dignity – Racism, prejudice of any kind, abuse, war

What does Forgiveness mean?

It means that you stop allowing a past hurt to hurt you now. Not seeking to take the revenge from that person for what he did to you not holding the wrong doing against them anymore. But forgiveness is not

• Ignoring what has been done
• Saying that the wrong done against you is ok
• Does not mean that you have to be friends with the person who hurt you

What does forgiveness do?

For others
• If they are sorry, it gives them peace. If they are not sorry, it may one day convince them that what they did was wrong

For you
• It releases you from the burden you are carrying. It allows you to feel from the heart

“If the other person injures you, you may forget the injury, but if you injure him, you will remember” - Kahlil Gibron

What does Loyalty mean?

Staying faithful to people, country, ruler, government, or religion

Habits – You are what you do !

A habit is something you regularly do

Here are some common sayings on habits

“First we make our habits, and then our habits make us” -- English Poet –

“It is impossible for us to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law” - Cecile B Demille -

Secrets Behind a Successful Life To make a habit we must need knowledge, skills & desire

Sean Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

These habits are taken from the book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens’ by one of the famous authors Sean Covey

Sean Covey (The son of Stephen Covey who’s one of the world famous authors) is a well known American author, a motivational speaker as well as well known for writing motivational books for children & teens. His international best selling book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens’ which has been inspired by his father’s world famous book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ basically focuses on the principles of life.

It talks about

Habits 1 -3 - Private Victory (Learning to get control of yourself & be independent)
Habits 4 -6 – Public Victory (Learning to handle your relationships & teamwork development)
Habit 7 – To Renew Yourself

Habit # 1 – Be Proactive

It means to take the responsibility for your life& accepting that you are in control of your life!

To react means to take action based on your feelings & emotions, your instincts.
To be proactive means to use your freedom of choice to choose your response.

Reactive or proactive – which are you?
Here are some signs to identify according to our habits

Reactive people

- Feel like victims all the time
- Are easily offended / upset
- Blame others for their situations & actions
- Get angry & say things, but later they regret
- Whine & complain

Proactive people

- Focus on things they can do something about & don’t worry about things they can’t
- Are not easily offended
- Take responsibility for their choices
- Think before they act or speak
- Keep going on when something bad happens

By listening to the kinds things that we say we can see if we are reactive or proactive

If you say Then you mean
“That’s just me. That’s just the way I am” I’m not responsible for the way I behave, I can’t change
“If my teachers, parents, friends etc would treat me better, life would be different My teachers, parents, friends are the cause for all my troubles
“Why do you always have to make me mad” I’m not in control of my emotions & my moods, you are.
If only I…….(had better friends, made a big salary, had a car, could go to university etc) I’d be happy I’m not in control of my happiness, I need ‘things’ to be happy

“You have control of your emotions unless you give it to someone else! If you give it away, the other person probably doesn’t know how to make you happy , Take back your remote control! Learn to press pause” - Beacon Hill academy –

Let’s Change our words

Secrets Behind a Successful Life

“People are just about as happy as they make up their mind to be” - Abraham Lincoln –

“No one can hate you without your consent” - Eleunor Roosevelt –

Habit # 2 – Begin with the End in Mind

Develop a clear picture of where you want to go with your life & use it to guide your decisions. There are two creations in us when ever we want something to happen in our lives,

1. Mental Creation
2. Physical Creation

It gives a clear picture about

• What you want to be (Your Character)
• What do you wan to do? ( The contributions you will make to society & your achievements)
• What are your values & principles

If you did a mistake

• Realize it was a wrong choice or mistake
• Make a better choice now!

• Learn from your mistake, don’t repeat it
Habit # 3 – Put First things First

“Things which matter most, must never be at the mercy of things which matter least” -- Goethe –

The priority must be given to ‘Important’ & ‘Urgent’ things, who does this is called as ‘The Procrastinator’. Who gives the priority to ‘Important’ things but ‘Not Urgent’ is called as ‘The Prioritizer’ A person who gives the priority to ‘Not Important’ but ‘Urgent’ things is called as ‘The Yes-Man’ The one who gives the priority both to ‘Not Urgent’ & ‘Not important’ things is called as ‘The Slacker’

4 ways to organize your life

1. Listing things
2. Scheduling things
3. Planning things
4. Managing things

Habit # 4 – Think Win/Win

Win/Lose – I’m going to win but you aren’t.

If you follow this way of living, it affects your behavior.

Lose/Win – If you follow this way you have no standards because you expect to lose, you don’t try.
Lose/Lose – If I’m going to lose, you are going to lose too

Win/win is the attitude there is ‘enough’ for everyone. I can win and so can you!

“The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, YOU ARE STILL A RAT” - Lily Tomlin –

Habit # 5 – Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood

“Listen or your tongue will make you deaf!” - American Indian Proverb –

• listen not only with your ears, but also with your eyes & heart
• Stand in the other person’s shoes
• Practice mirroring but not mimicking (Repeat back in our own words what the other person is saying & feeling, mirroring is warm & caring, mimicking means saying the same word, it is cold & uncaring)

Secrets Behind a Successful Life Habit # 6 – Synergy

“Alone we can do a little , Together we can do so much” - Hellen Keller –

What is Synergy?

“When two or more people work together to create better solution than either could come up with alone”

Synergy is Synergy is not
Celebrating differences Tolerating differences
Team work Working on your own
Open minded Thinking you are always right
Finding new & better ways Compromise

How to respond to differences?

1. Avoiders – Avoids any people different from themselves
2. Tolerators – Work with others
3. Celebrators – They see differences positively

Action Steps for Synergy

1. What way - Define the problem / opportunity
2. Their way - Seek first to understand their ways & ideas
3. My way - Seek to be understood by others
4. New way – Brainstorm (New ideas)
5. High way – Best solution

Habit # 7 – Sharpen the Saw

The last habit is about giving sometime for ourselves, taking sometime to refresh, renew & sharpen ourselves mentally as well as physically. It helps us to be more efficient at doing the other 6 habits.

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining” - John f. Kennedy –

How to care for your body?

• Give good nutrition to your body
o Not eating expensive food, fat

• Do some exercises
o Both mental & physical, do some meditation

• Give some relaxation
o Always don’t be in stress

• Have sufficient sleep
o Something most of us don’t do & something very important to do

• Laugh & be happy

“Let no one come to you without leaving better & happier, be the living expression of God’s kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile” - Mother Theresa –

“That self-seen well from which our laughter rises was often times filled with our tears. The deeper that sorrow carves into our being, the more joy can contain” - Kahlil Gibran –


If you enjoyed reading this, if you could take the contents to your heart, if you thought you can make positive changes in life through what ever you read in this article, then my effort is successful

Information Sources

My Success & Ethics book - Beacon Hill Academy
7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens – Sean Covey

I’m thankful from the bottom of my heart to Mr. & Mrs. Baker & Mr. & Mrs. Patmor for teaching me the values of life through this subject

At last but not least thanking you for spending your valuable time in reading this & wishing you all the best in your future endeavors!

PS – Hope you have not forgotten my small assignment to do with principles.

Copyright © 2011 Xtream Youth. All rights reserved.

Written by Ramona Judith (Creative Writer at Xtream Youth)

For further inquiries on articles please contact our administrators : Ignatious Jayathilake | Kasun Malith

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